All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
