Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
