I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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