I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
