Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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