did you get engaged???
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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