Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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