Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
