I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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