If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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