yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
