Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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