She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.