we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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