i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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