I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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