Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
