..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
