I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
