I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
