Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
40s are totally the cure
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
