what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
