IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
