i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
