I need help removing her.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
