Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
