community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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