doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
