State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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