You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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