I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
