I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize