so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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