wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
