Who did Billy Mays play for?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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