I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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