Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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