Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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