Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
