You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
