So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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