Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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