New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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