my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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