i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
