apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
