My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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