Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
