Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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