..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
