The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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