Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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