Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
