Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
