i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
