and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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