It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
