a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
