paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
