You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
