I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
only you would photoshop your dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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