he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
