I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
