There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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