I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
